You're about to marry the man of your dreams and life should be perfect, but it's NOT! What has happened to that kind, thoughtful, fun-loving guy you fell in love with? He seems withdrawn, uncooperative and a bit grumpy. It sometimes seems as though he's been attacked by a case of the responsibles and is working overtime or puttering with his car all the time. He doesn't want to have much to do with this wedding stuff anymore. What's going on here?
Let's go back to the beginning. When you two decided to get married did he ask you to be his WIFE or
did he say, "I want you to dress up in a big, white gown and dance with me in front of 200 people!"? When
you discussed marriage was he thinking of a home with little munchkins playing in the yard and the air filled
with the savory smells of dinner cooking? What were you thinking? Is it possible that he was thinking home
and family and you were thinking, "I get to be a BRIDE!"?
Back when your groom was a little boy he probably never put on his dad's suit coat and played 'groom'.
He didn't have a groom doll. He didn't have groom paper dolls. But somewhere in your past you probably
played bride with some lace curtains and one of mom's old slips. You may have had a bride Barbie and spent
hours setting up the perfect doll wedding. If you think about it you can remember that it was the birds that
carried Cinderella's veil in Disney's film of the story. He may not even remember the wedding scene in the
movie, just that it had a really fat mouse trying to push a key up the stairs.
Life has become very confusing for your groom. The two women he knows better than anyone in the world are his
mom and you. You and his mom haven't been acquainted all that long but
suddenly you two women are speaking 'Weddingese' and he can't even follow a conversation. Serious
discussions are being held about ring bearer pillows, flatware patterns and numbers of attendants. These may
be things he's never heard of and he might feel left out of the loop. Some men are so intimidated that
they're convinced that while they were innocently watching Sunday afternoon football or NASCAR races women have been holding secret
meetings and learning 'Wedding 101'.
He's totally unprepared for the deluge of decisions that are hurled at him. His opinion is asked about
things he doesn't understand and he doesn't feel are important right now. Who really notices the dishes he
uses every day and why is it such a big deal to everyone to have a 'china pattern'? (You may not have
given it much thought yourself until you looked at the first five pages of a bride magazine!) Now it's
important to you and he wants to help choose the pattern you like... but he doesn't really care about dishes.
He just wants you to be happy. When it comes to most decisions he may keep quiet until he sees what you
like so he can choose that, too. Again, he just wants you to have what you want and to be happy with your choices. He already knows he can love you without having to love all the things you love.
Your fiance wants a wife. He's finding out he has to have a bride to get a wife, but he never asked for a
bride. He's willing to go through this melding, blending, wedding process to get your two lives joined but he
may not be as excited about the process as you are. When you see his eyes get that glazed look during planning
sessions, or that pained expression when you ask him to accompany you on yet another wedding related
appointment don't get upset. Call your mom, your sister, your maid-of-honor. Call HIS mom! Call any woman
you know and she will be happy to accompany you. She likes doing all this 'bride-y' stuff just as much as you
do! You two girls will have fun and get tons of stuff accomplished and you won't be fighting with him, saying,
"You were gonna' be part of this!" He'll be relieved and happy to endorse all of your choices when you
return because he can see how happy you are. If you really want him to make some decisions about the wedding then present him with two or three choices from things you already like. That way no matter what he chooses he can't go wrong and you will be happy.
©1999-Present Time Jeanne M. Lawrence